“Mansplaining” is not a new word to our cultural lexicon. I think the first time I heard it was around 2011, and it’s probably been around a lot longer than that. But I still hear it quite a bit today, so it looks like it’s here to stay. And for a long time, I’ve had an idea to write a post about it. But things got busy, and I’ve taken on new pursuits, so I kind of put it on the backburner. But lately I’ve noticed some new developments in the culture such that it’s called me out of blog-post retirement to write this article.
First of all, let’s agree on an operant definition. Since I don’t feel like looking it up, I’m just going to give what, in my experience, people seem to think mansplaining is: Basically, it’s when a man explains something to a woman in a way that’s condescending and underestimates the woman’s expertise and knowledge, while simultaneously (and theoretically) elevating the man’s knowledge, etc.
Got that? Okay, now let me take a few minutes to give you some hypothetical examples of mansplaining. We’ll do this through an imaginary character whom we’ll call “Michelle.”
… That name is too long. Let’s call her “Meg.”
Anyway, Meg was a mechanic for 10 years. Over this time, she honed her craft in a male-dominated field. Eventually, she leaves the garage and becomes an engineer. Right away, she becomes the only woman in an office of men, almost all of whom are much younger and/or have much less experience than Meg. Of course she receives a lot of guidance and explanation, which isn’t surprising since this is a new field for her. But as time goes on, it becomes clear to Meg that there’s more to it than just “teaching the new girl.” Even when she has ideas that come from her experience, they’re second-guessed by her co-workers. When co-workers explain things, it’s often not explained in a respectful manner: “Okay, this is never going to work.” “Okay … the way you designed this is not optimally effective.” And the thing is … they’re wrong. Meg knows this from experience working in the garage.
Time goes by. Soon, Meg is no longer the new girl. She’s learned the ins and outs of the job. But things haven’t changed. When she has input during meetings, her ideas are greeted by her male co-workers with stony silence and then ignored. People often interrupt her when she’s talking. Even co-workers who only started a few months ago try to give their ideas and opinions first. When Meg receives client feedback on her performance, she sometimes gets comments like “Typical woman engineer,” and her results seem lower than her male counterparts despite that her work quality is often equal, or sometimes better.
Meg does have a few female co-workers. They treat Meg differently. They ask for her advice, follow it, and are appreciative of her experience. But at the same time, they’re often quick to defer to the authority of their male co-workers.
Life at home has its own struggles. Meg lives with both her husband and father-in-law while raising a young son. Every bit of input she has in regards to child-rearing is disregarded or viewed with skepticism. Often this puts her in a difficult position: For example, when the men in her family disregard the importance of putting the baby in a car seat, Meg is faced with the difficult position of either submitting, or becoming so assertive as to be labeled a bitch by her family. Both in and out of work, Meg’s solutions and input are viewed as flawed, while that of her male counterparts is taken as valuable.
Okay, got all that? Now reverse the genders. Also forget that it’s an engineering job. Because that’s been my experience. I’m Meg.
Now some of you are probably wondering how I navigate this environment, and that’s a topic for a whole other article. But what I wanted to point out here is that I think the idea of “mansplaining” is fallacious. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we’re being gaslit.
Look, I don’t like to complain about feminism or what-have-you. I don’t think complaining is productive as a general rule. And really, I think the majority of feminists, whether men or women, have their hearts in the right place. (Whether they’re correct or not is something that needs to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.) But, as in any sub-group in society, there is a small but impactful percentage that have malign motives which poison the well-meaning thoughts of the majority. They have no regard for the consequences of their actions so long as it serves them in the short term or helps fuel their spite. And I suspect that’s what’s going on here. A sort of boogeyman is being cooked up to demonize another sub-group.
Because as I got thinking about it, I began to think of all the jobs I’ve had in my life: grocery retail, juvenile rehabilitation, manufacturing, military, education … and I’m hard-pressed to think of any textbook examples of mansplaining in any of them. Sure, there have probably been a few, but for each of these, there have been an equal or greater number of instances of “womansplaining.” And that’s what it’s really about. It’s not mansplaining or womansplaining. It’s being condescending, and that’s something that every kind of person is guilty of–and which shouldn’t be placed solely on the shoulders of men.
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com
Okay, so what spurred me to talk about this now? It’s a recent trend that I’ve noticed in the education sector: Nowadays, when it comes to classroom material, there’s a drive to insure that men are not portrayed as giving advice or as “the keepers of knowledge.” I’m not making that up. If, for example, a scenario in a foreign-language textbook has a male telling a female how to get to the store, or explaining a piece of information, then that’s a no-go. Look, I get it: We don’t want girls to, every time they open a book, see before them depictions of themselves puzzling and drooling over solving the most basic of tasks going, “Dur, I’m not so good at the lernin!” But first: Has that ever been a problem? That’s an honest question, I don’t really know. I never really noticed. But second: Yeah, we don’t want girls seeing that … and we also don’t want boys seeing that, either! Now, the counter-argument here might be, “Yes, but traditionally boys have always seen themselves portrayed as competent decision makers, so we have to balance things out.” But does that really solve things? If we continue down this road of pillorying men for offering solutions and advice, then we can expect one of two possible outcomes: 1. Boys so fully buy into the portrayal of themselves as toxic, opinionated, and often just outright wrong, that they end up like beaten dogs, bereft of a sense of self-worth and direction. Trust me, I see this on a fairly regular basis, it happens. 2. Boys go the complete other direction. They think, “Hey, if everyone is telling me to keep my ideas to myself, then to hell with ‘em, I’m going to become the most braggadocious, johnson-swinging man that I can be.” And yes, we’re seeing that, now, too. And neither of these outcomes is good.
So what are we to do? Well … that’s kind of the hard part, and I really don’t have a great answer. But I think the first thing is to be aware of this gaslighting. Don’t be afraid to offer input, provided you do so in a sincere manner. If someone has a problem with that, then they’re free to ignore your advice. But also, guys … for goodness sake, stop buying into this nonsense. There’s nothing worse than a guy who throws his fellow man under the bus just for an approving nod from the women of TikTok. Hell, some of the witchfinder generals of the mansplaining inquisition or are other men. We need to get out of the habit of self-flagellating every time someone accuses us of mansplaining.
Can we be condescending with our opinions and explanations? Sure. Is it only men? No. Should we punish and hamstring ourselves because of it? Certainly not. You know, I’ve heard people say we should avoid applying negative stereotypes that are exclusive to women. Things like bossiness, or nagging. After all, men sometimes are guilty of those same things, right? Well, if so, then maybe we should think about applying this guideline when circumstances are inverted. Maybe we should avoid labeling arrogance as “mansplaining” if it isn’t exclusive to men.
The Functional Male 